My Brother and All his Stuff

My little brother arrived on Thursday at 7:30am with a huge U-Haul full of stuff. But more potent than the 11 guitars, 6 foot speakers, 5 giant amps, 3 Playstations, an entire wood shop and 2 cars is the 30 years of family patterns that he carries. Together we are a petri dish of opportunity for the Van Nostrand Family Unconscious to go viral.

I love my little brother the most. All I really feel is total and absolute affection for him. I adore him like no other and he brings out the most loving, delighted and tender side of me. And so mostly he is here to teach me about Love. Cuz whenever I feel anything other than pure affection towards him, I do not feel right. The judgements that rise up within me in regards to his choices of beverages, eating habits, and art taste immediately feel wrong, unnecessary and comical. But secondarily he is here to teach me about the power of the family story, and understand the effort required to change the wiring.

The pattern in the household we grew up in is to second guess the other's decisions. So when my little brother was telling us today that he was going to the DMV I "naturally" started to ask him if he knew what paperwork was required, had he printed out the forms...essentially "trying to help" and ensure that it would not be a wasted trip. But in truth, all I was doing was participating the familiar and ingrained role of the "second guesser".  And his response as the "second guessed" is to ignore the suggestions, even if they do make sense, and proceed with his initial plan no matter the consequences.

In this morning's meditation, I got the hit that the effort "to be right" will only make one small. The "rightness", the "conviction that you know" depends on the belief in one's small and limited mind. I have participated in the luring of my brother to California, and I am hoping he will take up the study I have of learning to follow ones instincts and trusting yourself. And yet, here I am trying to "help him" by not letting him be his own being.

HeeHee!!! This life is so amazing! She catches us at every turn, teases us around every corner and tickles us when we are least prepared. She is completely benevolent and if we are paying attention, is always revealing what we are ready to see.

Thank goodness my brother and I have developed a dialogue so that as these familiar strings get pulled and we start to act like puppets, we can both call it out, laugh and move on. As the strings are revealed, they can be cut. Otherwise we remain under the illusion that we are "in control" as we dance on the Marionette's stage believing that the moves are all ours.