Giving up Classes

It was incredibly hard to pass the Monday and Wednesday 5:15pm time slot to Alana. I had been feeling the suggestion for a long time inside, and creating the space for her to blossom is part of the mission of Lulu's, but as the time to do it got near, I got totally muddled and doubted the guidance. So much so that the "decision" was made the day the schedule was brought to print.

I was clear that letting the class go was the "bigger", "more expansive" direction. That free fall feeling of leaping into the unknown is becoming more and more familiar and has a pretty strong pull. I was also clear that the desire to keep the class was fear driven, small and resisting the Flow. But I was still torn. Because I love the people that come to class and it's important to me that they know I love them. And so the knot is revealed.

I keep forgetting that you cannot will love through actions. You might have a pretty keen sense of what someone thinks they want or need and you might even be pretty good at delivering that, therefore its tempting to exert effort towards the manipulation of a relationship. But all we do when we play in this realm is indulge the group mind that has so many of us in it's jaws. You hear the voices of what you think people will say, and if you are not paying attention, you respond and start an internal dialogue that wakes you up at 3am. This spin seems to get caught between the second and the third chakra, the Svadhisthana and the Manipura. The Svadhisthana, believed to root in between the 2nd and 3rd sacral vertebrae and flower about 2 fingers below the navel, and the Manipura believed to root at second lumbar vertebrae and flower at the navel, govern "our relationships with others" and "our will" respectively. Hence, digestive mischief, complications in the reproductive organs, low back pain, sciatica and such can be results of this drama.

Simultaneously, the "Universe" has a pretty clever way of making the small choice as attractive as it can before you leap. A small test of faith. So, as expected, the August classes were brimming with loyal and new students, and I got tricked into thinking that they needed me.

Abhinivesha is often translated as "fear of death." My Sutra teacher, Ravi Ravindra translates it as "attachement to the status quo." I am a yoga teacher, and I am a human being in need of love. And teaching yoga is how I have gotten love for a while now. It's been my status quo. But it turns out that this time, the Yoga is about not teaching Monday and Wednesday Evenings. And it turns out that when you are really in the Yoga, you more easily start to catch the Love that is always and ever present.