Unhooking

Eric and I just "got back" from vacation. Except we didn't go anywhere. We just unhooked right here, in Ojai.

The removal of the schedule is profound. I had no idea how much the rhythm of my life was determined by the mere 7 classes I teach a week. I thought I was enjoying where I lived, but it turns out I've been very busy.

We had the space to go on long hikes almost every day, and one day we climbed Topa Topa. I had the room to have dinner with my girlfriends. Eric fixed the watering system at our home, and I cleaned my office enough to see the floor again. I got as far as picking out the colors for the new yoga room, but did not get around to painting it. I wrote an article for Edible Ojai. I cooked with Olivia at Farmer and the Cook. I watched the pink moment from Krotona regularly.

The funny thing is, most of these simple activities happen even when I am teaching, but the lifting of the time constraint is magical. Cuz when you have less to do, you can be more available. When you bump into unexpected friends or situations, you can really meet them and open up to all the possibilities that might arise. When you have a schedule, even a light one, there is a subtle strain to your experience in between activities.

The feeling is similar to the delicious luxury of assisting a yoga class. When I am assisting a class, as oppose to teaching, and do not have the tug of holding the space and moving things a long, I feel as if I have an infinite amount of space and time to offer a participant. I am less hooked to the outcomes. Yet, I am keenly aware that as an assistant, you do not receive as much love, praise and credit as the teacher. The teacher, or primary host, gets the kudos for the experience.

And so the rub. I am a "doer". Organizing and coming together and seeing projects through is a skill of mine. And I enjoy the praise connected to getting things done. But when you are trying to "get stuff done," its easy to miss out on what is really happening.

A teacher of mine, Amit Goswami, refers to the "do-be-do-be-do-be" rhythm. As human beings, we are constantly in the tension between being and doing. And within that tension, our life happens.

I still feel like I have a lot to do. But the trick, as I slide out of "vacation," is to get more clear on what I actually want my time, attention, and precious moments to go to. So that whatever it is I eventually end up "doing" is in alignment with my being.